Here come the men, doing their manly things again

They just couldn't leave it alone, could they? Perhaps it was inevitable that the aftermath of the 2023 Women's World Cup had to be all about the men.

Imagine soiling yourself in public. Now imagine doing it solidly for ten days. Now imagine doing it in the full glare of the public eye, an act of behaviour so egregious that it has somehow started to overshadow the very tournament that you, ultimately an administrator, were there to watch the final of in the first place. A tournament which, as just about everybody knows by now, was won in spite of you rather than because of you, every step of the way.

The world, by this point, is aware of your plight, even though for some reason you don’t think that you’re actually doing anything wrong. News reporters have descended. You call a press conference at which it is widely anticipated that you will announce that at least you will be at least doing the honorable thing now, but instead you use the moment as an opportunity to berate every single person for being wrong about how disgustingly you’ve acted, that what everybody saw happen didn’t actually happen, and that your mum still loves you anyway, even if she has perhaps rather outed herself as somewhat eccentric herself of late, as well. You might want to give her a call, if you haven’t already. There’s little confirming the extent to which you have, so far.

Where do you even start, with the RFEF and Luis Rubiales? The first and most obvious thing to say is, well, here come the men. They got there in the end, with their manly thrusting of their crotches, kissing women whether they want to be kissed (they didn’t) or not, somehow contriving to find a way of making the outcome of the 2023 World Cup all about them rather than, say, the players who’d taken part in it. Luis Rubiales is 46 years old.

Behold the manly men, dominating the post-Women’s World Cup headlines for ten solid days through the somewhat unusual medium of repeatedly proving themselves to be unabashed liars and arrogant pigs who frankly shouldn’t be allowed in the same room as any women unattended without handcuffs on, and who appear happy to torch the entire international reputation of Spanish football… it's not even clear for what. To try and force the other side (ie, everybody) to back down? To cause a big, stupid distraction? To… somehow launder their reputations? If it's the latter, I've got news for them.

And every step of the way, they’ve somehow managed to paint themselves into increasingly worse corners, even when it felt as though it couldn’t be possible that they would.

Calling a press conference to announce to claim that you’re the real victim of “a social assassination” and that you’ve “suffered persecution”? Seems like the rational, adult thing to do. Your lackeys at the back applaud. For a moment, it sounds as though you might even have support.

“I’m not going to resign, I’m not going to resign, I’m NOT going to resign, I’m NOT going to resign, I’m not going to resign,” Rubiales said, in front of an audience of millions. He’s come good on that promise, at least. For now. But the tide has clearly turned. There has been a ‘debate’ over this because Spain is Spain and theatricality comes with the territory, but it's evident that there's been pretty much universal revulsion over the way in which they've been conducting themselves; certainly amongst women. Did you see the size of some of those protests?

But there was more. They issued photos of the incident and claimed that she had lied. Rubiales was suspended by FIFA. The RFEF sent a letter to UEFA, for whom he sits on the executive committee, asking for their own organisation to be banned from all football on account of government interference. The offer to completely collapse both club—at least as far as European competition is concerned—and international Spanish football was politely declined by UEFA, who otherwise have remained shamefully quiet on the matter themselves, apparently unaware of the fact that they’ve been out-ethics-ed by FIFA.

And still they weren’t done. The RFEF also published a fake public statement purporting to be from the victim of this assault in which ‘she’ claimed that it didn’t happen. They were inevitably called out by Jenni Hermoso over this obvious lie. By this point, they were coming close to bending the laws of physics. Such a collective loss of any rational thinking or even any attempt at damage limitation is surely without precedent. It is truly mind-boggling.

81 Spanish players, including the entire World Cup-winning squad, have said they will refuse call-ups to the national team until the RFEF’s leadership is changed. President Pedro Sanchez (and that's president of Spain, not president of the RFEF) has described his actions as unacceptable and called on him to consider his position. Minister for equality Irene Montero has tweeted that his kiss was “sexual abuse”. There have been mass demonstrations. Are the hints still not loud enough?

And when I say that it's got worse in every way possible, I mean it in a fairly literal sense. Because this is also clearly historical. It could time travel, too. Light has been fully shone on the behind-the-scenes machinations of the RFEF and what we’ve learned is grim. This is clearly an organisation that needs at the absolute minimum rebuilding from the ground up. The name is so spoiled that it should probably be changed, too. The entire edifice probably needs to be ripped out and started again from scratch.

It really is the final insult. Not just to Jenni Hermoso. Not just to the rest of the Spanish team who performed so fabulously to win the 2023 World Cup. They are the best women’s team in the world at the moment, and that should not be forgotten. No, it is the final insult to women’s football, and it isn’ that these men “just couldn’t help themselves”. They were not incapable*, no, they were something worse; they were perfectly capable of behaving as befits the seniority of their positions and as normal, non-sexually aggressive, fully functioning members of society while at work, but chose not to. They thrusted their crotches, they assaulted women, and they have acted in a way that has brought shame upon themselves and their entire federation. It is very clear that they are not fit to be involved in this business. They’ve shown their colours.

But this is also a structural failure. There is no real oversight of football associations, and the fact FIFA statutes ban what they describe as ‘government interference’ passes largely without comment. Of course, just because it’s FIFA doesn’t necessarily make it evil. There are laudable sentiments against match-fixing all wrapped up in the reasons why it is right that governments shouldn’t get involved in the administration of football. But it also seems to have act as a curtain behind which some pretty appalling behaviour has been taking place, and we can only wonder whether this sort of behaviour is limited to this one country, or how widespread it is, internationally.

Even in 2023, on the biggest stage that it can be given, in the immediate afterglow of an incredible sporting triumph of which the whole country should be proud, and for all the fine words about inclusivity, football couldn’t treat women as equals. It couldn’t even protect them from being kissed and groped by handsy middle-aged men in front of a global live television audience. And while there could be something almost tragi-comically buffoonish about Rubiales, the RFEF and their bumblings, there is an altogether more serious side to this. If this is what they do in front of a live audience of millions, what has been happening behind-the-scenes? Is this endemic in every football governing body, to some extent? And if so (or even if a proportion of so), how can these turds be flushed out?

In Spain, the matter is reaching critical mass. But there’s an obvious way to avoid anything like this happening again. Hand the running of the entire thing over to that 50% of the population who have historically been completely absent from the upper echelons of the game’s corridors of power. If Spanish football is serious about reform, then great. Be radical. Put the women in charge, and let the legacy of this whole wretched episode be a more equitable game for all. They’d certainly know better than to soil themselves in public, repeatedly, for ten consecutive days.

*The first edition of this piece implied that they behaved as though it was beyond their control, I have given this some thought today and have revised that opinion as above, albeit with a nod to the earlier version.