On the enshittification of everything

How do you get from needing a different cable to plug your headphones to prophesising the end of the world? Let's find out!

It started, as these things so often seem to do with me, with the need to buy a new cable. My ears are shot through with tinnitus, a sound that I’ve never truly been able to articulate other than to say that it’s the highest-pitched noise that I’ll ever hear again and that I feel somewhat defrauded by the fact that this condition renders this a constant presence in my life while I know that plenty of others my age literally cannot hear any higher-pitched sounds any more.

And as a music lover, this means that I cannot be doing with Bluetooth earphones. Actually, since my goddam ears get so hairy and are essentially the wrong shape on the inside nevertheless, I can’t be doing with earphones, let alone earphones that connect wirelessly yet temperamentally and provide a noticeably worse listening experience. I need over the ear headphones and I need a bloody cable.