The Remaster: Harry Kane & The Tale of the Burning Bridges

For funsies, here's how I was interpreting Harry Kane's ham-fisted attempt to force a move from Spurs at the start of August 2021.

Of course, one might argue that he’s had the opportunity to win trophies before. In the 2017 and 2018 FA Cup semi-finals, for example, in the 2021 League Cup final, or in the 2019 Champions League final. Harry Kane has only ever scored six goals in the League Cup for Spurs and ten goals in the FA Cup. It’s strange how players tend to forget their own ineffectual efforts in previous attempts, when they start caterwauling for a highly lucrative transfer as though they’re locked up in a tower on St Helena.

If he’s attempting a PR battle, Harry Kane’s isn’t going particularly well. Sympathy over transferring from one football club to another is harder to come by when you earn a six-figure sum per week and, much as banter merchants from other clubs have been enjoying the schädenfreude—Arsenal supporters, for example, likely need something to take their minds off their own team’s tepid performance against Chelsea in their pre-season warm-up tournament last weekend—it becomes difficult to offer too much sympathy to a player when they start simply failing to turn up to work.