Words & Pictures to Follow: The Gang of Four

When there's rain in the air and an outside chance that a tree could land on your bonce, you have to be careful about which football match to choose to attend.

It was while walking home from kid junior’s school this morning that I saw them, two stand-up bins overturned. To my left were another three at jaunty angles in someone’s front garden. On this occasion it’s barely touching us. At least not during the day, it isn’t. It was drizzly and blowy on the school runs this morning, but the rain stopped as I got home at 9am and it hasn’t rained again since. None is forecast for the rest of the day.

We’re lucky, this time. Storm Éowyn is hundreds of miles to the north-west of the bit of the Sussex coast upon which I live. We had some wind last night, and a fair amount of rain this morning, but the trains remain rooted. We are in Sussex this weekend, fallen trees on railway lines notwithstanding, and under normal circumstances the fixture list would be a pretty decent one for local matches.

But the weather is a complicating factor. We’re into “PITCH INSPECTION 11AM” territory at this time of year, and while the wind is unlikely to be a factor around here, referees can be funny old fish at times, and there are few assurances—on grass pitches, at least—that they will find one playable at this time of the year. And because I am a genius, all four of the matches that I did pull out all just happen to be on grass pitches.

First up is Lewes. They’re at home against Bowers & Pitsea in the Isthmian League Premier Division. 13th vs 21st. My memory bank tells me that the pitch at The Dripping Pan used to churn up quite badly, but I’m reliably informed that it’s been substantially improved, which makes perfect sense considering the fairly senior status of the women’s team with whom its shared.

I have been to the Pan Siro many times before, but actually not very often since my kids were born. I took my older one to see them play when he was about three or four and have been a couple of times over the last couple of years, but nowhere near as much as I probably should have done, especially considering that it remains one of my favourite places to watch football.

It’s also incredibly convenient, should we want it to be; a four-minute walk to East Worthing station, a train to Brighton, another train to Lewes, and a 200 yard walk, if that, at the other end. (Though it should be pointed out that the ‘train to Lewes’ aspect of that could be complicated by the fact that Brighton are at home to Everton at exactly the same time.) Our total walking distance could be no more than six or seven minutes.

Second up is what I probably consider to be the least likely of the four. Whitehawk vs Cray Wanderers, also in the Isthmian League Premier Division. We were talking of going to Brighton to mooch around for a bit or similar, which brings this match into the game, but this is a pitch that I do think is still capable of waterlogging at times—its position right at the foot of the South Downs is unlikely to help—and in addition to that, while their ground is in Brighton it’s a bit of a schlep from anywhere. From the town centre, it’s probably still quicker to go to Lewes.

But it’s possible. I’ve certainly done it before. Indeed, I did it last season. The first two times I went there I saw a fight of some sort, though it should be added that this was something like 15 years ago, and things are all very different there now. They are the town’s self-styled inclusive club, something of which I am all in favour. The ground’s location makes it quite photogenic and they’ve still got those old seats from the Withdean behind each goal. Seems unlikely, though.

There is also a third option from the Isthmian League Premier Division; Bognor Regis Town vs Dover Athletic. Bognor usually have a fairly decent pitch, so the chances of it being called off would be low, and it is an interesting story that I’ve been trying to keep an eye on all season. They’ve been a pretty constant mid-table presence in this division since their relegation from the National League South in 2018 and crowds have been decent, so why the sudden collapse to the foot of the table?

Now is an even more interesting time to visit, considering that Dover are second in the table behind Billericay Town. The last time I saw Dover play away, however, they had a bunch of coked up little scrotes with them, so perhaps I don’t fancy it quite so much after all. It’s also the furthest away by train, which feels like taking a tiny bit of a risk, considering the weather this weekend, and on top of that, just about every time I’ve been to Nyewood Lane before—whether on my own or with others—I’ve got at least kinda lost, and I do not think that would do either of us any good at the end of what has been a very long week.

And finally is a match that is of the four geographically the closest to us, though from a couple of divisions lower. Shoreham vs Loxwood, in the Southern Combination Football League Premier Division. This is the shortest journey of all, though it does involve more walking than Lewes. And Shoreham is another really nice place to watch football that I don’t get over to enough. Shoreham are fourth from bottom in the table and Loxwood are one place above them.

I note with interest that Loxwood have conceded 72 goals in 23 games, an average of more than three a game. Further investigation confirms that this is their first league game of 2025, and that they were probably welcome of the break after what might be considered a fairly eventful first half to their season. Something happened to that football club at the end of October. Until that point, all had been trundling along reaonably normally. They were struggling in the league, but nothing calamitous.

But they did something to upset the ghost of Ray Reardon, because since Halloween they’ve conceded four goals twice, five goals three times, as well as six and eight, both times at home. But isn’t completely straightforward, because they have continued to occasionally eke out points throughout this run. They won one of their games 4-3 and lost one 5-4. So that game is a possibility, though from a ‘will it be on?’ perspective, the amount of time that will have been expended on getting the pitch in shape might be the least, due to them playing a couple of divisions lower than the other three games.

Of the local teams with artificial pitches, Worthing are away. Lancing are at home against East Grinstead Town, but I have been to Culver Road a couple of times this season already and have seen East Grinstead Town play too (away at Burgess Hill Town, at the end of September), so it doesn’t really appeal.

It might all end up being a vibes thing. It may depend on what time we get up, and it may well be determined by which of the four are actually going ahead. At the moment there’s no rain in Worthing, and even the winds are pretty light. How long that lasts and the effects of what has already fallen, of course, are for now unanswerable questions. So, it’s pot luck! Could be any of the four above but, knowing how changeable and unpredictable the weather can be round here, could even be none of them. Presuming it stays just about on the side of tolerable down here, words and pictures should follow on Sunday or Monday.